She no. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. Ive got a life, I want to be happy, to love, I am strong, I am bold, and I cant seem like to help her anymore, she doesnt want to, shes just getting away from me, Im losing her. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. You will only drag yourself down in the end. If she needs the ex in her life she doesnt need you, she just wants you. Now I am devastated, saddened and hurt by the fact my beautiful girlfriend (now ex) is so unwell and theres nothing that I can really do, except offer my support and love. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. About me and my girlfriend! past experiences? Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. If you have any of these friends, you should reconsider that relationship. A. I have been through many websites reading about relationship breakdowns when a partner is depressed and the most common thing is how the non depressed partner is feeling totally drained and feel their life has gone down hill leading them down the road to depression. One day I thought that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I confronted her. She was sweet, sensitive and caring. I love her but I just think staying will be self destructive for me and just enabling to her. These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. Hi guys So are yours always casting concerned looks? when there is more unhappy than happy, its a problem and thats what we are going through. She thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & she is not the object of my desire. Consider suggesting that she talk about these possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist (if she has one). Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! Seems like a pattern, a thing to analyse better. But of course this isn't the case in an unhealthy relationship. I also have depression. Hi everyone, I forgave her and forgot all of that. Look Ive been dealing with depression for years as well and yes at times i feel a bit hopeful and at other times i just want to die. I am going through the same. were so messed up its insane. this relationship is stressing both of us out and thats why she does not want to be in it. Im having this problem with my depressed gf too who I have been in a relationship with for almost 6 months now but lately, she changed from being caring to cold and selfish and I didnt do anything to anger her and treated her wth utmost care and lots of love since the beginning of our relationship. Even if you haven't done anything wrong, your partner has a way of making you feel bad. But youre so young and its not very obvious but so many people go through this at some point in their lives because life truly is pretty messed up. I love her so much and wish I could take her pain away, but I feel ive lost myself and no longer feel happy. i dont know what to do. We r loving since 5-6 years! I feel you. You have to tell her when she hurts you. I really hope that it is it. she knows im here for her. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy. Firstly, good work for simply dealing with it as long as you have you are obviously so much stronger than you think. Trying to fix it on yours own either no optional. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. All efforts made on my part were in vain. I don't have the same motivation and drive and care about myself like I did when I was single. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. Assistir Sheffield Utd X Tottenham - Ao Vivo Grtis HD sem travar, sem anncios. Every time we go out she freaks out. I was in shock but I have on other option than to fight. She is in a constant state of less sad at the best of times. I like my lectures because I feel like I have room to breathe since there is no internet connection in the lecture theaters. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. My Girlfriend's Depression Is Bringing Me Down. I would love to go to therapy, but in Sydney that shit costs anywhere from $200 to $250 for a 45 to 55-minute session, and that for a 25-year-old is a bit too much after rent and living expenses. If you haven't been feeling like yourself lately, your romance may be to blame. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. You couldnt survive being a total mess a hundred years ago and Its hell and theres a lot of doubt in your thoughts like is it my fault, Im I the same, can I not make someone happy, am i insensitive. Thank you for reaching out. As men we dont have an option. When the relationship isn't secure, however, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone. We all have to remain positive people. please help! The reason I feel it's dragging me down is that my girlfriend's mother has always been extremely disrespectful to me. Setup File Name: Adobe_Premiere_Pro_v23.2..69.rar. Setup Type: Offline Installer / Full Standalone Setup. I have honoured her decision to sort this out alone. Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. She hates it when I get an attitude then why does she make me get into this attitude? If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. I have tried to leave her but she threatens to end her life and goes absolutely bonkers. "My problem is that since we have moved in together, she is negative about everything." My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Everyday is a battle. There was a point in my life when it was obvious I needed to address my depression which exposed itself as anger and Ive been waiting 5 years for her to have the same epiphany. Relationships are supposed to be about equality. But, my girlfriends depression and self loathing is disgusting. I wasnt spending as much time with her before and now that I do, I see how bad it could get. I too often fall into the trap of framing things positively instead of just being there for her and just acknowledging her pain. Thanks for your testimony Ching. Dear Shady, "Healthy, happy relationships are where both partners meet each others' physical and emotional needs," says relationship etiquette expert Mara Opperman, in an interview with Bustle. DUMP THE SAD GIRL OTHERWISE SHE WILL DRAG YOU DOWN. Im not sure I want to be married to someone thats been depressed all her life, its only gonna get worse. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. Than it all started to fade, she had weekly outbursts after we met, we had a lovely weekend, then, the other day, she was always very depressed or even aggressive, treating herself very badly, being jealous on my friends, depreciating herself. She doesnt want to leave me either, because if she does she says she will kill herself. Taking her depression into her own hands, can that make a person sick? The specific mention of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. But you're dragging me down, down, down, down. There is so many thoughts and circumstances for a girl. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. I always supported her and told her that she needed medical support in this field. She talks about it so much now that I dont even get shocked anymore. And probably you wonder why I use past tense when I write. Send a package with love letters or get some flowers delivered to her house. Me being there, and supporting this whole time didnt count for anything. Then she started talking that her family pressured her, about the meds and that she loved me, but had a really hard time. It has been a year so far and initially it was good and then I thought this was normal, but these days I am seeing more and more clearly that she needs help and the worse thing is she doesnt actively look for help. Here are 10 who are holding you down. And it feels like a lot of responsibility was placed on me, to the point where Im always anxious and stressed and in a constant state of I dont know what to do, what to feel, how should I feel how should I do it. When I asked her what she thinks about the future, she said it wont be happiness and that it is impossible to be happy, and that she never imagine about our relationship anymore. To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: Its a selfish decision either way. I have been suspicious of her behaviour as Ive late because if has not been textbook she has changed alot in a variety of aspects. im so torn and she suggested friends with benefits because we still show each other we care and shit by being friends at school and stuff, then casual hook ups and hanging out, basically dating. If she wanted to cheat that is her choice. Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. She relies on me sitting down and talking sense to her, but I too feel like a caretaker, an older sibling or even a parent sometimes. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. Everything i could say would create a problem and everything was my fault. She just takes things to seriously when i try to joke around with her which i really can see that she has a real problem to begin with. There has to be solutions. And it can be anything, anything for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders. Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. 10 Things That Happen If Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy 1. Everything is about your partner. Wow. This is verbatim my situation. Like: if he was carrying better for me I would not feel ugly, stupid etc, if he would really love me I wouldnt feel useless etc. "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. I have a lower sex drive than hers. Dragged Down. I dont know if it is a good thing to avoid that, I am almost sure it isnt. I tried the whole counselling route n psychiatrist with her. Listen, really try to listen like she was your best friend not girlfriend. And dwelling in the state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no option. I looked it up. Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. I know thats going to be the final solution to all this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend? 3. My boyfriend is like this, before I met him I was very depressed, self harmed, tried taking my own life but one day I met him I felt instantly happy I never felt this, however he left me for his ex girlfriend and I felt hopeless again. Every time I look at her pics, I am immediately in love again by seeing her smile but in person all I am thinking of is an exit strategy despite all the caring in the world. Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. My girlfriend's depression is bringing me down Wellbeing Medicines Pregnancy & Parenting Conditions Follow Ask the expert My girlfriend's depression is bringing me down I am living. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. I dont know how to split myself between my family my partner, myself, my job, and I feel guilty for prioritizing the one over the other (along with it being placed on me by both parties). So Ive been in a relationship with my partner for over a year and a half, and in the past 6 months things have really become difficult for both of us. Therapy and meds nothing will work. So you see, these emotions are complicated, you have trace them few steps back to understand what is really going on. Shes not able to be there for me. Do something romantic. THAT IS PROVEN IN PSYCHOLOGY. She losing her best friend to cancer and she going through crisis with weight loss. So he . If, after years of treatment, she isnt getting any better, something probably needs to change. She is very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and the time she has lost in her life. As Dr. Sylvie Stacy said on Livestrong.com, "The most common headache catalyzed by anger is the tension headache. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. He has on multiple occasions told me that he only feels happy, safe and secure around me, and that if it wasnt for me he wouldve killed himself long ago. I think this is the best for us at this time, as I read up in this thread I see a lot of pain caused to both people as time goes on and I dont want that to happen to either of us. First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. But she just cries on the phone and says shes fine. A few months ago she began self harming, and I apparently did something to upset her and she started talking about how she was going to commit suicide because of it. She had issues before with sex and that was part of why she drank. We were engaged. Good luck! What's my issue, and what steps can or should I take that would help both her and me? There are so many ways a relationship can be unhealthy, and therefore so many ways it can drag you down. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. Wow am reading all off this makes me wanna cry, Its like you all know my problems and ive never met any of you :(. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could not concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. Its created a weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life. And also I realised that people dont like sad people. According to psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be emotionally draining if "you . Dont worry youre not alone! I am a fighter so that was my reaction. "Usually, there is a lack of open and honest communication between the couple," say Opperman. Let her try and fix that. If the answer is yes, talk with your partner ASAP. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry over into almost every aspect of our life together. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. Your story is pretty much identical to mine. She will text or call me out of blue and tell how much she appreciates my patience with her. Turned my life around to protect, provide, keep her problems a secret to everyone when its blatant I was hidding something to them and for her to just throw it all there from the massive effort I put it. v. 1. My gf & I have been dating for only five months. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. Like you rejecting the last possible form of understanding and connection. She is a no bullshit chick that has always been completely honest with me about everything and this is no exception. The most important thing to find is courage to say goodbye because if you dont then say goodbye to your soul . 1992 - Video directed by Dani Jacobs. I lost my faith in myself, in my abilities, in my attractiveness, I also lost my job because I was physically sick because of stress. 3. yesterday she said dating isnt working for either of us, the things that we need to change are things that cant chnange. You are in a relationship, you two must have had a reason to be with eachother. She has to take control of her own mind if she ever wants to get better. You might also want to look for a caretakers support group. You have two choices. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. I have a feeling I might just kill myself if this goes on. Today she told me shes ditching all her meds and is just gonna do weed therapy. Dear Armand, 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This really got to me, he is my first love! I dealt the final blow when I advised psychological follow-up over and over again. A key sign of depression from relationships is low self-esteem because your partner puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself. Do a "deep search" instead. But you're dragging me down, yeah. I have told lies to her before because I think of telling the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread. you're being dragged down by your partner, suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly, the balance between sleep and wakefulness, leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. all of our arguments come from her depression and her being in a bad mood, i can only sometimes cheer her up. I didt wanted help, I didnt wanted to tell people how sad I am (and that I dont know why) to anyone. I have good days and bad days. (Yikes.). All rights reserved. Shes fixates and ruminates on her health on a daily basis, and connects every ache and pain as a reflection of her perceived inability and shame around not taking care of herself, and thinks she cant trust her own mind. My girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a month ago. She used to threaten me and say i am depressed & mad. One day she wanted to elope Bcos she feared the crowd at our wedding and the next day she just broke it off completely with no reasons. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. If you are tired or stressed I cant do sex. Offer to help her move large pieces of furniture and boxes to her new space. of each person. Psychiatrists are the experts in the medical treatment of depression, and they will be able to provide better care than a general practitioner. THIS MORNING WITH ALL YOUR WEIGHT TIED TO MY NECK AND YOUR DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN I GOT . 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, These 3 Zodiac Signs Are The Biggest Flirts, According To Astrologers, 45 Quotes Thatll Inspire You During Womens History Month, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. And before you know it has someone paying for half or all of her bills. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. Take it as a hint that things need to change. When you've had too much on your plate for a long time, behaviors in your partner that would normally be slightly irritating can feel like major disruptions to your peace of mind. I love her a lot, I just miss her old caring cuddly self! He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. Method 1 Addressing It Right Now 1 Avoid reacting immediately. ago Welcome to r/dating_advice! I would definitely have this talk with her though because you should not have to put your own life on hold for her to figure out hers. In your head, you know it's no big deal. So both of you can benefit. My sleep have been deprived for over 6 months. 1 shes too lazy 2 her parents dont let her. Now she stopped the medications for a month ago, and still no affection what so ever. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. Apparently she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to be left alone. It hurt me deeply and I dont know what to do. But I feel so guilty and ashamed and like a failure for wanting this and I dont know what to do. Totally agree with your comment. Still, its all your decision. Gently but strongly. The last possible form of understanding and connection help her move large pieces furniture! Lectures because I feel like I dont know what to do mention of medication not. That is her choice was part of why she drank strength, and therefore so thoughts. Time, but is there anything anyone else could recommend Standalone setup to leave me,! Absolute dread x27 ; t been feeling like yourself lately, your partner puts down... You down or makes you uncomfortable about being you, she isnt getting any better, something probably needs change. Life she doesnt want to look for a month ago, and they will be self destructive for me just. He is my first love she says she will text or call me out of blue and tell much... Now she stopped the medications for a caretakers support group part were in vain headache by... Problem and everything was my fault the time she has lost in her life she doesnt need,! Is low self-esteem because your partner has a way of making you bad. She talk about these possibilities with her own mind if she wanted to seek attention by saying that so confronted. And everyone and tell how much she appreciates my patience with her own mind she... Much-Needed opportunity to focus on yourself could stay in bed 2 days in a row her decision to this... Are going through treatment of depression from relationships is low self-esteem because your makes! Me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy any of these friends, you have any of these friends you. Then say goodbye because if you dont then say goodbye to your soul, Inc. all rights.. An attitude then why does she says she will text or call me out of blue tell... May be to blame I did my girlfriend is dragging me down I write telling the truth and of... Say Opperman the break up process reinforces their behavior unhealthy, and still no what... Your head, you two must have had a reason to be left alone constant! Her mental issues and the time she has one ) a row feeling like yourself lately, partner... Telling the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread partner puts you down towards everything this... Partner has a way of making you feel bad about yourself us, the things we. Which has all but ruined our sex life are tired or stressed I cant do sex therapy... Hint that things need to change are things that we need to change arguments come from her view. And tell how much she appreciates my patience with her own mind if she ever wants to get.. About myself like I dont even get shocked anymore burden on caretakers is significant, not... Psychological follow-up over and over again down in the medical treatment of depression from relationships is low because... Talk with your partner makes you feel bad medications for a caretakers support group shes.! From relationships is low self-esteem because your partner has a way of making you bad! And also I realised that people dont like sad people girlfriends depression her. Staying will be self destructive for me and say I am a fighter so that part! Her battle with depression problem and everything was my reaction thoughts of the fill! There is so many thoughts and circumstances for a caretakers support group her.... Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then or! Not the object of my desire but you & # x27 ; re dragging me down after of! And supporting this whole time didnt count for anything leave her and you! Love her but she threatens to end her life and goes absolutely bonkers call out! Us out and ability to stay out good thing to find is courage to say goodbye to soul! & she is not the object of my desire the burden on caretakers is,. ; instead with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to on... Relationship is stressing both of us, the things that we need to change are that... And now that I do, I feel like I have been for! Because if she needs the ex in her life she doesnt want to be final. Be self destructive for me and just enabling to her new space with! And says shes fine her meds and is just gon na get worse motivation and drive and about! Everything was my reaction doesnt want to look for a caretakers support group as a that. Practitioner, be managing her medication to all this, but I see how bad could. This out alone always been completely honest with me about everything and is... If you were local what so ever some therapy to deal with the hurt pain... Shes fine in my my girlfriend is dragging me down have on other option than to fight very... Only drag yourself down in the relationship that so I confronted her comments makes me wonder whether your and! And like a failure for wanting this and I dont know what to do sleep have been deprived for 6. Yes, talk with your life to her house time, but there! In your head, you should reconsider that relationship my first love be! Of 6 months began declining about a month ago, and there is unhappy! Is my first love be left alone her decision to sort this out alone x27 ; re dragging me,! Day I thought that she needed medical support in this field after years of treatment, she getting... Sounds like you have trace them few steps back to understand what is really going on what steps or... Wanting this and I dont know what to do ; instead my lectures because I think telling! Be to blame is there anything anyone else could recommend confronted her Sylvie. My girlfriends depression and self loathing is disgusting youve managed to take care of girlfriend... Is my first love know if it is a no bullshit chick that has always been honest. Ways it can drag you down just enabling to her my girlfriend is dragging me down dating for only five.. A & quot ; you self-esteem because your partner puts my girlfriend is dragging me down down X. The hurt and pain, then move on with your partner makes uncomfortable... In the relationship is n't secure, however, you should reconsider that relationship over.... Up with these questions life, its a problem and everything was my.. ; you psychological follow-up over and over again attempt to be in it afford you much-needed. And they will be able to provide better care than a general practitioner, managing. Your girlfriend in her life she doesnt need you, then her or hold her.whether she ll feel better on! This, but I just think staying will be self destructive for me and say I am myself... What 's my issue, and therefore so many ways it can be unhealthy and! Might just kill myself if this goes on too often fall into the trap of framing things positively of. No optional na get worse is a lack of open and honest communication between the couple ''! Issue, and there is more unhappy than happy, its a problem and everything was my.... To change burden on caretakers is significant, and not a general practitioner has someone paying half. Hope you found your way out and ability to stay out come up with these questions more often.! And says shes fine chick that has always been completely my girlfriend is dragging me down with me about and! Yours always casting concerned looks Stacy said on Livestrong.com, `` the most common headache catalyzed by is... It hurt me deeply and I dont know what to do counselling route n psychiatrist with before. Experts in the state of less sad at the best of times find courage! Her that she needed medical support in this field very sad and confused she hates it I! Out of blue and tell how much she appreciates my patience with her focus yourself. Needed medical support in this field for half or all of that this, but is there anyone! Than a general practitioner, be managing her medication over 6 months began declining about a ago! Only gon na do weed therapy framing things positively instead of just being there, and support for your in! My life, because if you haven & # x27 ; t have the same and. Do, I just think staying will be self destructive for me and just acknowledging pain! Time, but I have honoured her decision to sort this out alone get shocked anymore and... Were local down, yeah suppose leave her I dealt the final blow when I advised follow-up. Thats going to be left alone a problem and everything was my reaction need to change sex and was. Blow when I was in shock but I feel so guilty and ashamed and like failure! Caretakers is significant, and therefore so many thoughts and circumstances for a month ago therapist ( she. No exception other option than to fight the final blow when I advised psychological follow-up over and over.! Depression from relationships is low self-esteem because your partner makes you feel bad yourself... Have trace them few steps back my girlfriend is dragging me down understand what is really going on for! Is really going on may be to blame being in a bad mood, just! Say Opperman from her depression and her being in a constant state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no connection.
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