Like right this minite. Over christmas i made a big mistake my wife and me went to v GF needed to work on herself but misses me and wanted to spend time together. But to let their mothers tell them what they can and cant dothats over the top. It hurts so much . I'm scared that in the future, his family will still make decisions for him. So anyways to get to the main point is that literally ALLL the time he makes plans with his friends but doesn't go through me first. he is now saying we need to go to the dinner & i told him i dont want to because one, we already had plans set & they made these last minute which is unfair & two, we just got together with them last week for a party. Yes it will continue hes 3 years shy of 30 and still needs mommy and daddy to tell him what to do! October 11, 2022 by Zan. Starting to feel that's just how it is and I have to deal with it to be with him. I would try discussing with him that you arent comfortable having life choices revolve over his family. My dad was a single dad to 3 children when he met my mum. I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. My brother never spent Christmas with his girlfriend, always came home to be with our family. It used to grind my gears that she wouldn't even give me a chance. When you become an adult it's time to detach from your family and create one of your own. For example, you guys agree that he needs to know three days in advance or else he tells his family he's busy, and after your discussion, he informs his family that he needs three days or more notice or he can't go because it's unfair to you. That's just my opinion though and I could be wrong. I'm so lonely and I feel so abandoned. Y'all tripping. I'm the bad guy no matter what decision I make Why didn't you ask her to go with you to see your family, that's a simple solution! We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. He's charming, funny, sweet, endlessly patient (seriously he takes my constant button-pushing like a champ), ambitious, handsome, and happy. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. Need help with your relationship? Does your boyfriend choose his mother over you? Thats why he lets his mother do what she wants and allows her to get inside his head and affect his relationship. In the end, we are all part of one big family, and when you think about it like that, there is no choice at all. Partying was more important than being a wife and mom. Please make sure you read our rules here. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. Her role is to be supportive of her sons decisions and encourage him to deal with his mistakes maturely. Extremely close. But because she never encouraged her son to be independent, she now feels a strong need to stay close to his son and protect him from danger.. Parents can have a very influential effect on the relationship. Its not fair, and it hurts that my dad is choosing her over me, but theres nothing I can do about it because theyre both gone now. If you're adolescents or young adults, it. Im still wondering why he chose his daughter over me, and I dont know if Ill ever get an answer for that, but its been a week since weve spoken, so maybe giving up on him is the right thing to do. Danielle. MTU1MGQwZGViYTBlNjQwNDk2YjZkYzdmZWJiZTZmNzMyNTI2Zjc0YjAzNzEx He doesnt see anything wrong with it because he doesnt know what a healthy mother-and-son relationship looks like. Thanks this is really helpful. They have no right to tell you youre too young to make life decisions when youre in ur mid 20s? The one imperfect thing related to him? But if our love has no future because his family comes first, then maybe it should never have been in the first place., The answer to that question is obvious. His mother was in charge of things and sadly still is. And whenever he makes a big purchase, he has to call his family for approval. NTU4Y2Q1ZmY4YmRjNmNlNDMxMDI0YjBmM2QxOGUyMjRiNDZlMTgwN2U1ZTQw RELATED: How To Get Him To Notice You (Over Someone Else), According To His Zodiac Sign. That isn't going to deal with your real conundrum, which is 'My bf prioritizes someone else ahead of me. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. You think he's with his friends but he may be with another girl and his friends covering for him. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. alsoooooo keep in mind, we havent been doing the best lately, fighting & just not getting along or agreeing on a lot of things which has caused tension between us. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. He is my father, and I love him no matter what. M2MwMDY4NmMxNTcyNWNkZGZmYmQ3ZTM4NTE0OGM2MGQ2YzdiYWE2ZjZlMjA4 People who meet each other on dating websites are notoriously fickle because there is such easy availability of other people. But if the guy is too stubborn to see how you feel and is incapable of changing, then your only option left is the ultimatum, followed by a breakup. NDUxZjNhMGZjYzNjMDcwNWRiYWM3Y2ExNmQ5MjhkM2QwODMzNjAzYmE4NDc0 He deserves so much more than what happened, yet here we are. I want to fix things but hes just so stubborn at times that I just dont bury him with how Im feeling about a certain situation because Im afraid hell take it in a different way. I feel betrayed to be honest. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! So, I've been dating my boyfriend for nine months. ZDQyY2M3YmMwOTNiNzQ3MTg1MTFkMjNhMDMzNTM1M2E2YzBhYjJmNDI3ZDk2 New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning theyre always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. My boyfriend always puts his kids ahead of me, I want to leave my husband because of his daughter, My boyfriends daughter is ruining our relationship, My boyfriend loves his daughter more than me. MjM2NzcyODM2MTM5NWEyOTRjNTg1YjMyNmQ5YjJmODRmYjc1ZGQ1MDE0ZDA4 I even tried to break up with him a couple of months later, because I thought the differences in our backgrounds were too great. She needs to come tolerate your family, just like you need to tolerate hers once in a while. Weve been dating for six years, and thats how long weve known each other. Ya thats weird. But in our everyday life, this important factor of life is being jeopardized due to distress, tension, depression, work load, mental health, stress, and many other issues. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. You can only rejoice because you can finally stop worrying about his invasive mother and the problems she brought to the relationship. What could I have done differently? Last yr, she came on a train, "3 hrs", and spent Xmas and boxing day with me, and didn't even see her daughter, husband, and granddaughter on those days, but this yr, she's on the train and spending Xmas and boxing day with them. Of course he is commited, it's just he has 3 different sets of family to see, its always going to be tricky but smile, because thats what makes him unique. NTg2ZWU0ZTMzOTc1ZDMzZGVhZDg5MDZjZTAyYmJhYTE4OTY5M2E5MzYwNTgw NDBmYjZmMTcwYmJhODliYTkwYzk4YzU5NTMzMTA5OWY0M2IwM2NiNjc0OTY2 He did say he'd come over in the day time and spend as long as he could with me before he had to go to this party. Basically, I'm his mom's nightmare. There is a watch out. I asked if maybe I could see him in the evening on Christmas Day and he said yes, but it would be later than we usually see each other. 1. So I am confused as to whats the hold up. You shouldnt stay with someone whose life revolves around his mother. He was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon. Press J to jump to the feed. She is not alone in this, and neither am I.. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. It was too much for me to deal with, and I thought the best thing for us was to part ways. I came back home to spend my Summer holidays with my parents. I cant believe he chose his daughter over me, I dont know what I did wrong, but its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. It's impossible not to love my boyfriend. My BIL married into this. In order for this relationship to work, they need to give each other some space and find friends/hobbies outside of this motherly bond. Boyfriend chooses his sister over me. Mothers are irreplaceable and extremely important people in our lives. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. And then she left him so she could screw around. He is perfect for you Except, hes not. My family feels like I'm starting to push them away because I choose her, just not for holidays because I feel awful my family wants to be with me and I keep spending time with her. ZWY5MGNhZWUzMTEzOTFmZjc2M2I0ZmEwMTg5YTFiYWZiZWIzZTE1MDU4MjAz I'm in pieces trying to figure this out. They claim to be their knight in the shining armor. MGY3ZjUzYzUyODk3MGI4N2JiYzM3OGE4YjJhZGJlNzZlZDMzNGJhYTcwNzUx My girlfriend of 4 years wants me to spend Christmas with her. You have to compromise in any relationship. - he always wanted me to be in their house during weekends. YjRhMDg2ZmE4MDZkZmQzNzc3YmZiMmFiMTUwZjBhM2I5MjY1NDZkZGU4Zjg1 Sometimes it can feel like you are the one responsible for this behavior. I Left Everything For You, But You Failed Me: Letter To Husband Who Chooses His Family Over Wife. I do not know if I am only asking for too much of his time or if he really chooses his family over me. Hes not just going to magically change. Best 7 Ideas With How Scorpios Deal With Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP, Top 7 Keys To Understanding How Men Deal with Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. What are your feelings on the This as you know him much better than I do? They came as a package just like your DP and his children. Therefore questions . She's definitely missing out. My Boyfriend's Baby Mother Still Attends Family Events - Am I wrong for bei My wife wants to have sex with a young man while visiting her family. MGM0ZDU4NWU1NjhjZjRmMzZjODVlZjU2ZWQ2ZmUzOWI1Njg2ZjU2ZmMzNzhh I've made my decision to see my gma and relatives, and I guess my relationship will have to take the blow. -----BEGIN REPORT----- We never get to spend Christmas day together as he has to work, and his workplace is near his parents' house so he goes there afterwards. His situation is a little complicated because his parents are divorced, so out of the 3 christmas that happen during our relationship, 1 he spend it with his mother and her family that live in another city, the other one he spend it with his dad, and the last one his spend it with his mom and stepdad, he lives with them and she doesn't really care for christmas but they spent it with his stepdad family. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. Should I just get over it, or does anyone think I have a right to be upset? It sounds like the question then becomes: is this something that the author can accept? What should I do? YTg0NzE5NmZmZWUyNzMyNmM3OGI3OGQ0NmU5OGZhYjVhYzkwYjlmY2Y5OGE0 People who always put their family first are common and normal, you cant force them to just stop hanging out with their family because you want them to. i want to feel like a priority to him, i want to feel like our relationship is just as important to him as his family. A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his mother. He always tells me that we are very different people and never wants us to be close because nothing will change. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? In doing so, hell placate her anger and make her feel important for being listened to. I am also the boyfriend in this situation. Unfortunately there is a very slim chance you will change this. ZmMzZDYxY2RlMDllMWYyNmQ3N2MxNWM3NjVjYWU1ZmNlYzkwYTNmNDc3Yjc4 We cant get married because she didntno ring..she didnt get oneno friends she doesnt have anyno guests..she doesnt like guests. An emotional letter by one such wife, who felt her husband failed her. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Their parents died yrs ago, he has no close family other than his brother, so totally understand that he needs to be with his brother sometime around Xmas. My husband doesnt spend money on me is that ok? Hes ditching them to go to a last minute party. He's always welcome to stay at our house whenever we're in town (which he does a lot of the time), and he's met my relatives. Your relationship is about you and your partner, not your family or friends. He doesnt do anything with me when shes home because he wants to spend time with her, so Im over this relationship. I doubt you LOVE spending every moment with her family. I'm currently in the same situation and idk what to do. You cant do anything about a guy so closed-minded and exploitable. But I've come to accept that this is just the way it is, and her beliefs will never budge. I know buying a house is probably the biggest decision we'll ever make, and theres so many factors to it. You deserve to be with someone who chooses you! OGMxYThkM2NmYzJmNTNkYzYzZjllMjUxYmJmMjkzYjc2ZTBjNjg0MDMzZTU2 If you don't get on with his family and can't face going with him, make **** sure he makes quality time to spend with you in the following couple of days. Yesterday, I asked him if he would want to spend New Years Eve together if I planned a get together at my house (I live alone) for a few friends and him. 2. Speaking of that surgery, my boyfriend's mom prayed over his hospital bed, because she thinks he was going to Hell. I asked if it was a guys' night or what---he hesitated but then said it was a guys night. Advice from Dr. Laura is, If you are going through this conflict with another person who has children of their own, repeat these words over and over again until they sink in: I love my daughter/son more than anything else in the world. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isnt just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. So, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship. i expressed to him that our relationship should be just as much of a priority as the family. Having a name for your kids already picked by dad and living further from work just to be closer to mom and dad. Worst of all in this decision my Gma has cancer and this might be her last Christmas. Such a person will grow very little and have more issues to deal with later down the road when his mother finally stops spoiling/controlling him. If he chooses to do so respect it and just focus on the good stuff of the relationship. My boyfriend still considers himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule. Then, you guys need to discuss expectations here, as in how far in advance would you be okay with rescheduling plans with him because his family scheduled a thing? Independence. What you dont want though is to come on too strong. (I had to wait for a way down the road. It drives me crazy because Im not getting the time I need from him. He Chose His Daughter Over Me, and Im Still Wondering Why He chose his daughter over me. My boyfriend eventually talked me off the ledge. Overall, I try to be understanding. Hes your partner, so he needs to show that hes prepared to fight for his relationship. MTNiYjJlNzQwM2YwNjVmOWI0OTI5NDRjYmYxZTc4ZjYyZWQ5ZDY4MjMzMGVl He told me that we'd get past the gap, that his mom had nothing to do with how he felt about me, and that when it came down to it, he'd pick me over her. I feel like she is controlling what I do. I never would have expected him to spent every single holiday with me; I have family to that I need to see, but would it have killed him to say hey, "lets spend every other xmas eve or xmas day together". But I make very sure that our own home has a Christmas family day either the next day or the one after. You either need to except the fact that he is borderline inappropriately enmeshed with his family and get used to it or you need to walk away. If he is prepared, you can give him some healthy suggestions on how to make you a priority and his mother someone he speaks with (not over-relies on). Say that its been on your mind for a long time but that you dont want to pretend it doesnt bother you anymore and that you need to resolve it as quickly as possible. I spend everyday with her at college, but she wants me to spend a holiday with her. This might be the last with her. Forcing time together or forbidding him to go in order to try to fix your relationship when he clearly values family above all else will not help your relationship at all. I'm thinking of ending my 4yr. I **** a girlfriend daily since 8 months. YjMyNjdmYjM0ZjM1M2FjZGY3ZTBhZDM0ODU2YzExMDQzYmNmOTMzMmIyMzE2 He is hurting, and if nothing else, he needs someone who understands what hes feeling right now. My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. i did, and I don't regret it. eyJtZXNzYWdlIjoiZmJkNDZiMjEwMmU5NDg2ODY1NTU3MDIwOWU4YzI0NmQz It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. He talks about them all the time, he takes care of his daughter on weekends, and now I feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore. You should either find a compromise or leave. First of all, you cant make your boyfriend do what he doesnt want to do. He doesnt have anyone else left in his life anymore besides my family and me. All of my
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