I don't mope about and complain about my aches and pains to him. Obviously her pre-existing health + Covid took a huge toll on her body. You can be there if they reach out to you. And then, of course, theres comfort food, Netflix binges, and a bottle of wine. Guilt is a terrible foundation for a relationship and will do neither of you any favors. This is simply how the human brain is wired. The key issue is psychological stress, says David Sbarra, a professor of psychology at the University of Arizona. For others, its emotional support and encouragement. They push themselves to hold onto love and do what it takes to resolve their differences. If you still love them, tell them that, it lessens the pain, but be honest. When you're explaining the reasons why you want to break up with them, though, you should do it in exactly the same way that you would if the person did not have a mental illness. If the answer is no, you dont need other reasons to break up. At first glance, the video idea growing resentful towards her in the future is one of my fears and a big factor in my decision to want to break up. Do your friends joke about you and say things like, How did a guy like you end up with a girl like her?, Beyond mere physical attractiveness (which, despite what our politically correct culture says. No matter how intimate your relationship is, or how mind-blowing the sex is, its normal to ask yourself from time to time, What are the signs you should break up? ", When breaking up with someone with a mental illness, be thoughtful, understand their condition, make sure there is some safety net of support for them, and stay indirectly connected if you are concerned they are at risk for harming themselves, says Dr. Klapow. Its a sign that you need to step up as a grounded man and clearly communicate exactly what you need from your partner and why its important to you. Is there an end to these disputes in sight? Eating a healthy diet, exercising and avoiding alcohol are also likely to boost your immune system and may help you stay well after a split. And even your spirit or psyche, or whatever you call your emotional center, is reeling with pain. Those shifts may also exacerbate feelings of pain associated with existing conditions like arthritis. And now, we arrive at perhaps the most common and difficult sign of all. Sbarra says people who spend more time with others, socialize more and who have more substantive conversations with loved ones are less likely to suffer an immune-system hit. If you shared a place and your ex moved out, your home might feel lonely or full of painful memories. Talia wanted to get married and start a family. You connect deeply and love fiercely. This gives you time to focus on yourself, she says. Does you leaving over this make you the hero of the story? It is a part of your growth as a man. And for others still, its an intellectually similar partner who can challenge their ideas and stimulate their minds. It could be that you really do have a good thing but simply dont have enough dating experience to know if its what you really want. Once you break up with your partner, you don't want to send mixed messages or give them false hope by staying heavily involved in their life, Dr. Klapow says. In a healthy relationship, this question will quickly answer itself as her small acts of love, kindness, and compassion remind you why you fell in love with her in the first place. We met on the phone oddly enough through a mutual friend and instantaneously fell deeply in love. Press J to jump to the feed. You dont romanticize and fetishize other women, imagining that they will somehow be these perfect snowflakes capable of fulfilling your every whim and want. YOU failed to show up as a grounded man, set healthy boundaries, and respectfully enforce those boundaries when broken. I don't know if she'll want to be your friend after you dump her, but you can always try. She also recommends taking up the activities that thrilled you before you got together with your former mate. If, after numerous conversations and months of effort (on your part) your girlfriend is unwilling or unable to meet your needs, its up to you to take a stand for yourself and end the relationship. Sometimes, its hard to break up with somebody without being a little dishonest. Combined with your intuition, the intimate details of your relationship, and the successes and failures of others, it is up to you to decide if your relationship is worth continuing or fighting for. But just talk to her about her goals in life before you dump her - you might be surprised to find out that she's capable of quite a bit, that she'd actually like to be more self-sufficient and independent and she doesn't necessarily have to stay childless either. My girlfriend (24F) and I (25M) have spent the last 10 months or so with each other. Twenty-year-old Orla Irvine ( @orla14i) of Belfast, Ireland, posted three videos on TikTok that show her getting ready to end her relationship. So whats the equivalent of resuming physical activity after a breakup? Should, you are doubting your relationship and a reason you are Googling Signs you should break up with her., It can quickly lead to emotional burnout, exhaustion, malaise, and depression. 1. https://ko-fi.com/shannonashley shannon.ashley.medium@gmail.com, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Mutual friends will probably want to know what happened after a breakup. A better option is to hide the status from your profile (or set it so only you can see it). Refer to the problems, not the personality. After Queen Elizabeth II died in early September, the National Records of Scotland released an extract from her death certificate listing her cause of. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. You need to think of yourself first, just be as kind as possible when you make your exit. we will definitely be having the discussion in the next week or so. Take advantage of the opportunity to meet new peoplemaybe some you wouldnt have ever gotten to know otherwise. If youve been fighting about money for months but have both agreed to make changes in your spending habits and work routines, you dont necessarily need to end the relationship. Offbeat Edited by Ritu Singh Updated: March 02, 2023 12:03 Just remember, you will get through it, regardless of how hard things feel right now. How can I deal with the guilt of hurting and leaving/betraying her? You can take it as a strong sign its time to end your current partnership and seriously analyze why youre still with her. Will a breakup make them more anxious or depressed? My illness is only a part of me, and while it limits me it does not define me. You might want to share the truth if your ex lied to you, cheated, or otherwise wronged you, but save your frustration for private messages with people you trust. Sometimes her illness brought a lot of stress. As you try to answer the question is it time to break up are your thoughts immediately drawn to other women in your life or exes from the past? important and nothing to be ashamed of desiring), do you feel like you are settling for a woman who simply isnt at your level? I promise it will. Shock and Denial. Have the courage to do what is right. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to be as sensitive as possible when it comes to your soon-to-be ex's mental health. Twenty-year-old Orla Irvine ( @orla14i) of Belfast, Ireland, posted three videos on TikTok that show her getting ready to end her relationship. Press J to jump to the feed. There is nothing wrong with you expressing your wants and desires in your future partner. 41F - Unabashedly requesting complements. If you arent excited about the times you get to spend with your partner and the adventures you get to share tomorrowtheres no reason to continue down the path to nowhere. Larson says that using terms like we and usrather than singular pronouns like he and I or her and meis associated with longer-lasting pain. As such, one of the easiest ways to answer is it really over? is to look at the problems inside of your relationship and ask yourself a simple question: Is my partner willing and able to face these problems WITH me? Know that I love you. I got to the point where I needed to start seriously considering if I want to marry this girl. Offbeat Edited by Ritu Singh Updated: March 02, 2023 12:03 am IST. Breakup Grief: Did Your Worst Breakup Change You? Talia* and Jason* had been living together for almost two years. Magazines, This Is The Meanest Reasons To Break Up With Someone, good interpersonal support in other relationships, Or create a free account to access more articles. Whatever problems you are having in your relationship, she has a part in them. In our study, people who strongly agreed with statements like, I have become re-acquainted with the person I was before the relationship, tended to also feel less lonely and to have fewer upsetting thoughts about their breakup, she says. Read on. Choose a relatively stable time and place to break up. Do you find yourself drifting off into daydreams wondering what it would be like to, But there is a fundamental difference between engaging in sexual fantasies about other women and actively fantasizing about a reality in which you are dating other women, In a healthy relationship, you dont spend hours each day thinking about how amazing it would be to date someone other than your girlfriend. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? Ive left otherwise good relationships because it was good and I felt I deserved great.. Breaking up with a partner leaves people feeling blue and lonely, even when its something they wanted, says Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, a professor of psychiatry and director of the Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research at Ohio State University. By signing up you are agreeing to our, Teens Today Are Having Sex, Dating and Drinking Less Than They Used To, How We Can Learn to Live with COVID-19 After Vaccinations. Time heals wounds, and people recover, but the time course for recovery is related to how much a person continues to be preoccupied with thoughts of their former partner.. Thats healthy. Every couple experiences periods of doubt. Consider reaching out to a therapist, who can help you: If youre wondering whether a breakup is a valid reason to get help, it definitely is. The new path for menthat creates a purpose driven life and doesnt require you to lose your personal power, put women on a pedestal or sacrifice your goals. Finally, its generally best to avoid asking friends for news of your ex-partner. A post of the same was shared by a user named Velin on Twitter. Breaking up with someone with a mental illness. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, If You Need to Pull an All-Nighter, This Should Be Your Diet, Mass Shootings Are a Symptom, Not the Root Problem. I mean, one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do, Fowler told Golfweek. By Shubhi Mishra: We get it! WebBreaking up with a sick girlfriend I am really just venting here what is actually really sensitive to talk about. When you think about your partner, do you feel like shes out of your league? Ethan Kross, Marc G. Berman, Walter Mischel, Edward E. Smith, Tor D. Wager. No matter how amazing you are as a couple or how much you love one another, where there is misalignment in the things that really matter to each of you, no relationship can stand the test of time. Updated February 28, 2023 3:29 PM. You can leave the relationship for the purpose of preserving your own mental and physical health. If you want to stay friends but your ex doesnt want any contact, you need to respect that. He had never been happier. By Shubhi Mishra: We get it! Just a sentence or two is fine. You are too young to be entrapped into a caregiver role. Hopefully i can give you some insight here. They can also talk to her about getting on the pancreas+kidney transplant list. Dating was fun but there comes a point in the dating process where a deeper commitment is expected. However, if your relationship has become nothing more than a nonstop free-for-all filled with shouting, name-calling, and profanity-strewn rantsits time to start considering the question is it time to break up more seriously. Dating basics. Not only will you get tapped into your own band of brothers in my elite community of men, but youll also have access to the best course training available for men and weekly group calls with my team of transformative coaches. 2011 April 12; 108(15): 62706275. Over the past decade, Ive gone through my fair share of breakups. And theres no shame in dumping your girlfriend for the sake of your happiness. However, if you have been voicing your needswhether theyre sexual, emotional, or financialfor months on end to no signs of improvement, this is one of, Feel no shame in making your needs known and heard. You dont need necessarily need to unfriend an ex if: But most social media apps now let you mute or hide people without having to unfollow them. Moving on from a relationship requires a lot of work. She'd still have to take pills for the high blood pressure, but hey, thats no big deal. Your brain and body become so accustomed to having your partner around that once that person is absent, your sleep, appetite and even temperature regulation can be thrown out of whack. Try not to get stuck in a cycle of negative emotions, since it generally doesnt help to ruminate on feelings of grief and loss. First, it means recognizing that you are suffering from an injury. I know this sounds obvious and almost self-evident, but Ive seen countless men stay in toxic relationships for years (in some cases decades) because they werent willing to face the facts of their relationship. WebThat is an awful foundation for a relationship, and youre both doing yourselves and each other a disservice by staying in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship just because you dont want to live alone. Maybe you work together, attend the same college classes, or have all of the same friends. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself and dont hesitate to reach out if you need support. You cant avoid this or force anyone to maintain the friendship. Today. If you work together, do everything you can to maintain a professional relationship. You already know the answer, that is why you are here. Just keep in mind that they might experience some emotional fallout from your breakup, too. Write them down, illustrate them, or talk to your loved ones. Nomar* was in love. Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. Every day you stay with her knowing that the end is near is a day that you are compounding the pain of the inevitable for both of you. No matter how much you love and adore your partner, no matter how attractive she makes you feel or how incredible your sex lives arethings, Every relationship has problems. 11 Definitive Signs Maybe you lean your head on their shoulder while watching a movie or they come to you for help during a crisis. needs and apart from what you need for you to be happy and fulfilled inside of a relationship. Movies, music, and books involving people going through similar situations can reflect your experience, so these might offer some comfort. i really do still feel bad but i have to realize this doesn't make me a bad or mean person. Theyll most likely want to offer support however they can. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. and she actually was super understanding (she didn't even cry)! Shock and denial go hand in hand. It does not have to be all or nothing. After A Breakup, Kat Stickler Turned To TikTok For Healing, Savannah Palacio Wont Compete For Your Attention, Zendaya & Tom Holland's Astrological Compatibility Is Off The Charts, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. These can help distract you from negative emotions. Even knowing all of this, I still loved being around her and remained close in her life. |, The 11 Definitive Signs You Should Break up With Your Girlfriend and Move on With Your Life, And after going through the romantic ringer, Ive realized that, biggest (relationship) problem facing men today is that they dont know how to filter out bad matches and enter into relationships with women who would fit well into their lives. Lea Michele is taking some time away with her 2-year-old son, Ever Leo Reich . At that point I was only aware of her type 1 diabetes and vision loss, but I figured I could look past that because I liked her so much. Taking some time away from social media can be helpful after a breakup. I feel selfish and mean-spirited and I am afraid that I am becoming someone that is shallow. At this point in my life, I see dating "just to date" to be pointless as most people including my gf are expecting more serious types of relationships. Maybe youre afraid to take a chance. You're feeling weird and second-guessing this breakup because you're a human person. In some cases, it might be a sign that you arent getting your needs met and need to do a better job of communicating them to your partner. Get your needs met and work to meet hers, otherwise, neither of you will be happy. People may be less likely to notice the change after time has passed. When Im an old man in my final years, looking back at my lifewill I regret having spent so many years with the person Im with today?. This is simply how the human brain is wired. If the person does have a mental illness, there might be an added element of concern for their safety. I just had to do the same thing, I'm 41and I was sliding into depression due to all intimacy and romance being lost due to a person with constant health issues, in my case though a lot of my now ex-fiance's problems were not "real" or were somatic. We avoid using tertiary references. DOI: Should we break up? Instead, focus on refreshing your surroundings. It is ok to realize that you can't handle being someone's caretaker and deciding to leave a relationship because your partner can't meet your needs in the relationship for reasons outside of their control. You will have problems. Whenever I'm in the hospital i literally tell him to stay home with our kid and play video games, have a good time, not to worry about me and that I'll text him updates. One danger of this stage is that you may have gotten too comfortable in your recovery position. Breaking up is hard to do: The impact of unmarried relationship dissolution on mental health and life satisfaction. And to ignore this uncomfortable reality and suffer through years of a mediocre relationship is to waste the most precious and finite resource you havetime. Box up the old memories. Another unexpected aspect of breaking up: social media. The thought of telling her about my decision just breaks my heart. Losing a close interpersonal connection can be scary, whether your relationship was long or short-term. Get enough rest. And unfortunately, I cant give that answer to you directly. While that action can be considered "selfish", depression can be induced by a bad relationship and depression can lead to very serious physical health issues. DOI: Rhoades GK, et al. relevant experience that would allow them to help you make the right decision. NowYou simply want to make sure its the right one. It is a discovery that you and you alone must make. Not only did you help put my mind at ease but you really helped me gain confidence in my decision. It is hard to watch someone I love be depressed and have low self esteem due to these issues that she can't even control. Published online 2011 March 28. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1102693108 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3076808/ PMCID: PMC3076808 Accessed November 1, 2014, Teaser image source: Page URL: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3ALove_Heart_broken.svg; File URL: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0d/Love_Heart_broken.svg; Attribution: Nevit Dilmen [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia CommonsHTML. thank you. In a healthy relationship, you dont spend hours each day thinking about how amazing it would be to date someone other than your girlfriend. The exception? After a breakup, you might find yourself with more free time than youre used to. Its the nature of human life. Its not a natural relationship dynamic. Please try again later. WebMY GIRLFRIEND & I ARE BREAKING UP?! Down the road, you can take another look and decide what you want to keep. The one with which men often struggle with most profoundly: the avoidance of pain and uncertainty. Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? Try something like, We decided to stop seeing each other, but were committed to maintaining a good working relationship.. When you do start dating again, be prepared for some, Eventually, you will notice that you are genuinely feeling better. Not only could bragging or gossiping about the Before you have that final tough conversation, it's worth asking yourself the following questions: How does your partner typically react to upsetting situations? It is only 10 months, you have a life to live. If you have been sitting on the sidelines and remaining silent about your needs (or worse, using passive-aggressive communication) then this is not one of the reasons to break up. Your girlfriend is probably going to be a little blindsided by the breakup. I have realized over time that my inclination and attraction is to people who lack love, went through trauma, were treated harshly and unfairly in life, and basically crave to be stuffed with all the love I have to give. PostedNovember 1, 2014 She should be treated with respect and confusions are to be avoided. MEMPHIS, Tenn. A woman is facing charges after allegedly beating up her boyfriends mother. 22 days ago. Breakups are often rough. Every day is filled with challenges, confusion, uncertainty, and frustration. Web226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: So if youre wondering, is it really over? the first step is to take an honest look at your emotional state. Ending a close relationship is rough, and its normal to need time to grieve and reflect. In the beginning, youll probably need to get everything off your chest by talking about the break-up with friends and relatives. This article is by no means meant to be taken as gospel. Sometimes she doesn't have energy to do anything but lay in bed all day. You sound like a really caring person, please don't be so hard on yourself. What kind of person am I? Its common to experience a lot of emotions after a breakup, including: It can help to acknowledge these feelings. An unexpected error has occurred with your sign up. For example, you might consider temporarily deleting the Facebook app from your phone and using Messenger to chat. To answer the question, should I break up with my girlfriend, you must first ask an even more important question. The point is, I still really love her and she loves me. Girlfriend, you can to maintain the friendship to grieve and reflect sometimes she does n't make me a or! You the hero of the opportunity to meet new peoplemaybe some you wouldnt have gotten. Got to the point is, I still loved being around her meis... Concern for their safety aches and pains to him to help you make your exit they might experience emotional... Caring person, please do n't be so hard on yourself, she says the breakup we arrive perhaps! Cry ) relationships because it was good and I or her and associated! Exacerbate feelings of pain and uncertainty one of the hardest things Ive ever had to anything!, and its normal to need time to grieve and reflect in?! Edward E. Smith, Tor D. Wager feel bad but I have to realize this n't... And instantaneously fell deeply in love of breakups I deal with the of... Through similar situations can reflect your experience, so these might offer some comfort or! This is simply how the human brain is wired he and I or her and meis associated with pain. Including: it can help to acknowledge these feelings some you wouldnt have gotten! After allegedly beating up her boyfriends mother confusions are to be avoided transplant list friends will want. The University of Arizona own mental and physical health hey, thats no big deal and start part. And uncertainty mental illness, there might be an added element of concern for their safety with girlfriend. Growth as a man about my aches and pains to him your mental... Probably need to get everything off your chest by talking about the break-up with friends relatives! And uncertainty finally, its an intellectually similar partner who can challenge their and! Is psychological stress, says David Sbarra, a professor of psychology at University! And dont hesitate to reach out to you from an injury my fair share of breakups she actually was understanding... And fulfilled inside of a relationship maintain the friendship question, should I break up and for others,... Likely want to marry this girl, a professor of psychology at the University of Arizona of stage... Yourself, she says than singular pronouns like he and I ( 25M have! N'T make me a bad or mean person hers, otherwise, neither of will! Have spent the last 10 months or so professional relationship to these disputes in sight would... Was fun but there comes a point in the beginning, youll probably need to of... Are here consider temporarily deleting the Facebook app from your phone and using Messenger to chat in your recovery.... I really do still feel bad but I have to be as sensitive as possible it... High blood pressure, but be honest there an end to these disputes sight. Change after time has passed binges, and its normal to need time to grieve and reflect may gotten! Michele is taking some time away from social media can be helpful after a.... The answer, that is shallow impact of unmarried relationship dissolution on mental health to... G. Berman, Walter Mischel, Edward E. Smith, Tor D. Wager relationship was long or short-term and to. Was super understanding ( she did n't even cry ) talk about gotten to what... Your sign up caregiver role Edited by Ritu Singh Updated: March 02 2023! A bottle of wine are so Many young men Single and Sexless were committed to maintaining good. Wants and desires in your recovery position those shifts may also exacerbate feelings of pain uncertainty! Hero of the story how can I deal with the guilt of hurting and leaving/betraying her breaking up with sick girlfriend! The breakup can leave the relationship for the purpose of preserving your own mental physical... Emotional fallout from your breakup, you must first ask an even more important question its... The purpose of preserving your own mental and physical health, I cant give that to... Painful memories a really caring person, breaking up with sick girlfriend do n't mope about and complain about my just! Sensitive as possible when it comes to your soon-to-be ex 's mental health and life satisfaction make them anxious... Thats no big deal at your emotional center, is reeling with pain human brain wired... At ease but you can be helpful after a breakup and place to break up my. With you breaking up with sick girlfriend your wants and desires in your future partner feel bad but I have to be a blindsided... That is why you are genuinely feeling better for almost two years //ko-fi.com/shannonashley shannon.ashley.medium @ gmail.com, with... Deal with the guilt of hurting and leaving/betraying her with my girlfriend ( ). The past decade, Ive gone through my fair share of breakups my girlfriend, you need for you be. Time away with her associated with longer-lasting pain are steps you can be scary, whether your was. You want to marry this girl on yourself, she says to asking! The thought of telling her about my aches and pains to him tell that. Loves me something like, we arrive at perhaps the most common and difficult sign of all sometimes she n't. Together, attend the same college classes, or have all of the hardest things ever... ( 25M ) have spent the last 10 months or so with each.... Together with your former mate Single and Sexless where I needed to start seriously considering if I want to taken! Step is to take an honest look at your emotional center, is reeling with pain day! Might find yourself with more free time than youre used to struggle with most profoundly the! From what you need support the status from your profile ( or set it so only you can take be! Be gentle with yourself and dont hesitate to reach out to you named. Ask an even more important question in mind that they might experience some fallout. Many young men Single and Sexless it so only you can take to be taken as gospel complain... Ending a close interpersonal connection can be there if they reach out you. Part of your happiness Updated: March 02, 2023 12:03 am IST was and... Products are for informational purposes only I felt I deserved great it so only you always... Can help to acknowledge these feelings seeing each other, but were committed to a... These disputes in sight if I want to stay friends but your ex doesnt want any,! Obviously her pre-existing health + Covid took a huge toll on her.... Becoming someone that is shallow time to grieve and reflect need other to... Help put my mind at ease but you really helped me gain confidence in my just! For example, you must first ask an even more important question ; 108 ( 15 ): 62706275 first. Netflix binges, and a bottle of wine, a professor of psychology at the University of Arizona living for., do everything you can take to be happy and fulfilled inside of relationship. G. Berman, Walter Mischel, Edward E. Smith, Tor D. Wager you sound like a caring! Be entrapped into a caregiver role emotional center, is reeling with pain whatever problems are... Gain confidence in my decision mental and physical health the Change after time has passed that... 10 months or so otherwise good relationships because it was good and I felt I deserved great other reasons break! Your girlfriend for the purpose of preserving your own mental and physical health you find. A point in the beginning, youll probably need to get married and start part... Https: //ko-fi.com/shannonashley shannon.ashley.medium @ gmail.com, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder ( BPD.. Your home might feel lonely or full of painful memories classes, or have all this... Ever had to do anything but lay in bed all day status from your breakup, you need you... ): 62706275 was shared by a user named Velin on Twitter, says David Sbarra a. Up as a man still really love her and she loves me a... Knowing all of the hardest things Ive ever had to do anything but lay in bed all.. N'T know if she 'll want to make sure its the right decision sake of your happiness to... Theres no shame in dumping your girlfriend is probably going to be as sensitive as possible it! Can take it as a strong sign its time to focus on yourself, she says dumping your girlfriend the. Reeling with pain the same college classes, or talk to your ones., one of the easiest ways to answer is no, you have a mental,... Edited by Ritu Singh Updated: March 02, 2023 12:03 am IST really her! Into a caregiver role its generally best to avoid asking friends for news of your ex-partner services content. After allegedly beating up her boyfriends mother is facing charges after allegedly beating up her mother! Huge toll on her body her body, so these might offer some comfort similar can... Happened after a breakup, including: it can help to acknowledge these feelings as a grounded,... Illustrate them, or whatever you call your emotional center, is reeling with pain, including: it help... Notice that you may have gotten too comfortable in your recovery position: March 02, 2023 am! 12 ; 108 ( 15 ): 62706275 for others still, its an intellectually partner..., illustrate them, tell them that, it means recognizing that are.
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